An ugly break-up

I've been crafting this post in my head since last Monday. At first I thought I wouldn't even bother writing this week but SV said I had to and jW sent me and email asking why the blog has been barren. This post is dedicated to my girls at BE and of course, to MMA.

Long story short - BE did a very aggressive round of layoffs without any warning, explanation, rhyme or reason. I'm not claiming to be any sort of expert on human resources or corporate communications but laying people off on Mondays and Tuesdays seems to be a little strange, especially without a peep from senior management or HR. All week I've been sitting in fear that I'd be like one of the many vice presidents, directors, managers and coordinators who lost their jobs. I watched my friends, colleagues, teammate and most disappointing, my sister walk away from a company they loved and source of income they relied upon.

I'm being very selfish, I know. I'm bitching about what's happened despite the fact that I have a job and am "safe" but since the lay offs ended and the healing began I've been reflecting a lot on the economy, the presidential race and my greater purpose. I woke up feeling duped on Wednesday morning, I felt like a sell-out. I thought BE was different, I thought working for a company that helped women feel beautiful meant we weren't as motivated by the bottom line, yada yada yada. I should have sooner realized that working for a public company means I've already accepted and embraced the values and objectives of capitalism. Don't get me wrong, I believe in capitalism and am doing my best to "stimulate" the economy (I'm buying Christmas presents and lots of goodies on Amazon as I write this) but I stupidly thought I was a part of something different.

Today was the first Monday in months that I woke up and wasn't excited about work. I think I need a good kick in the ass because I have a job but I can't convey how affected I've been by all of this. First off, not seeing MMA's everyday is going to be hard and secondly my job is half as fun as it used to be. I almost wish it had been me. She loved her job so much, it's rare for a 24 year-old to find a dream job so early on in life.

Along with MMA went Paris who was my teammate but more than that the closest friend I've made since living out here.

I told myself that today, Monday would be a new start. It's so much easier said than done. If anything I'm missing Austin and my parents more than I thought I could at this point in my life. I've been remarkably happy the past six months. Between work, being so close to MMA and finding Paris I really felt like I was on my A-game. This week, not so much.

DC has been so supportive and understanding. If anyone gets me and MMA it's him. I'm really grateful he's so in-tune to my relationships with my family. Weeks like this remind me of the power and strength of marriage.

So on to tomorrow when I'm hoping it gets a little easier for everyone. Like Scarlett infamously said, "tomorrow is another day."